Unity is Not Uniformity

Life isn’t s marathon or a competition. Yet there is pressure in everything, including biological clock. 

Constant drive towards ruining families is glorified on all levels. It starts with not keeping in touch with grandparents and goes on to painting children as burden. 

Nowadays the “in” style of parenting is that of being a friend. Children have friends, what they need are parents. They need advice and wisdom, they need grown-ups for security and stability. 

However let’s address the elephant in the room. Are we ready to be grown ups? With instant gratification, are we ready to build truly committed relationships? 

Somebody please explain the absurdity of “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” as a reason for divorce. If you love the person, you can build on it. None of us is an angel. Yet we want to be in this intoxicating condition of falling in love without stability. Here it is, back to stability. 

Furthermore, getting older is natural. It doesn’t mean roll over and give up. Probably other way around, having the experience on our side, we can figure out approaches that are more meaningful and practical. 

If we can achieve the stability in our personal relationship, we can conquer our fears. Maybe conquered fears can bring us stability and inner balance? Maybe we have to start with identifying our fears? Maybe it’s not just adrenaline rush activities, but rather open conversation with the person who loves you? 

We need to learn to talk to each other – respectfully and calmly. Communication is the key. It doesn’t have to be a drastic measures or long, or imposing. It’s an art and we have to learn from our older generation. Surely things could be improved, but…

Inside I’m a hopeless romantic. Doubt it would change as I’m not a young lady any longer. My personal life is not a smooth sailing and can be turned into a movie (probably drama genre). Yet it’s mine and I treasure my personal growth and development. 

Trust me or do your own research, but these big names motivational speakers are generally unhappy in their everyday lives. It’s because I’m older, I can see the developments. Furthermore, listening to people, reading their stories, watching “reality tv” – I am convinced we want relationships like our grandparents. We want that stability. 

Is it possible that we are losing that ability to commit to each other? And if so, why? Why do we want to be fascinated by the new relationships instead of maintaining our existing one? Happily ever after can only come from everyday life.

Don’t you find it telling to see a person meditation in peace as a symbol of happy single? It sends a message of lost peace once married. Yet I know a great number of wonderful married ladies who maintain their yoga meditation sessions on the regular basis. It’s more important to know what happens outside these medication sessions. Is this stability and balance flowing into our everyday lives or do we become nervous rack the moment we roll our meditation mat? 

Life is wonderful. Learn, grow, explore and go through adrenaline rushes. Yet know your place, where stability and inner balance reign. For me, it’s a place where my friends and my friends are, my family has defined roles and I can express myself without fear. 

Traditional family is the key. My friends know a lot about me, including many topics that are off limits for our chats. It’s a boundary of true friendship. Don’t have many people around me, but loyalty of people is tested by time. 

Our families and friends are creating the fabric of our personal everyday lives and society as whole. With mounting economic pressure, things were tested and often before they could be built up. With our “new covid normal” we started to say ridiculous things like “social distancing”. It’s impossible. We should bring good hygiene practices, but social distancing is an oxymoron. Masks don’t help us to communicate either.   

Lockdowns and pandemic are ruining our ability to communicate, our ability to maintain, our ability to mend. Go back to your childhood memories – remember that favorite toy? That old, worn-off toy hugged to bold patches and often mended to the point where patches became it’s new look? Was there no new toys? Pretty, new, exciting. My dream to build on that feeling of exploring exciting while having that home to get back to. 

There is a constant drive in us to create a family and pretending this drive isn’t there is unreasonable. Our individual journeys are bringing individual trials. Our Sages taught us not to judge. This isn’t new or unique to the situation. Commit to uphold the basic principles of the society based on rules given to us by our Creator and things will improve. 

It’s not an easy commitment. There are no new buzz words, just the words of wisdom. This is the balance. Learning valuable lessons from stories of our journey through history, we strive towards balance and stability, towards peace and unity. Unity is not uniformity. 

Just remember, human rights are given to us by G-d. True rights come with growing up and responsibilities. Government is only useful as a tool for finding these balances of rights and obligations. This is the key.

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